I once read a book and there was this description of event which has impressed strongly on me. It was something like that : "A child (let's call him Joe) was playing on a swing when all of a sudden, another child (let's call him Issac) came running and push Joe so hard that Joe fell onto the playground. Immediately, the parents of Joe started to give Issac a scolding and Issac's parent a piece of their mind too. After apologizing, Issac's parent started to explain that Issac is an autistic child and seek their understanding. On hearing the explanation, Joe's parents immediately changed their view and apologized to Issac's parent."

The point is "How often do we make assumption about the behaviour or action of children without first giving them a chance to explain ?". An example : You are in a rush to send your child to school but just as you stepped out of the house, your child received a call on her handphone and started speaking. Then while talking, your child walked to the kitchen while you waited outside the door. When the child returned, you immediately scolded her for taking too long on the phone but in actual fact, the child has already finished the call the moment she went to the kitchen and she has gone to the kitchen to have a drink. You would be surprised that such little misunderstandings could, in the long term, lead to deterioration of the relationship between you and your child. Since the child is always at the receiving end without being first offered an explanation, he or she would feel that the parent has no trust in him or her, and eventually either stop explaining to or communicating with the parent. Hence, my advice to parents is that before you start putting the blame, scolding or punishing your child, give them a chance to explain themselves and then assess if the explanation is reasonable or not. It will help to build the trust between you and your child.

Nowadays, it's common that both parents work and hardly have enough time to bond with the children. Some say it's the quality and not the quantity of time spent. I agree to a certain extent, but that's not my point today. I simply want to say that from my experience, the best time to bond with your kids is just before bedtime. No matter how tired, I always find it worthwhile to spend some time with the children before bedtime. That's the time when they would lie down on the bed, relax and tell you all sorts of school stories or whatever topics they can think of. Remember, the focus is on them, not you. Try not to criticise (or nag them), but offer your thinking or advice. I've been doing this since they were young and I believe it is a major contributing factor to the open relationship that I have with my daughters today.

If your kid is 12 or 13 years old and once in a while would ask you to blow her hair for her after bathing? What's your typical answer ? "You're so big already, can't you do it yourself ?!". If that's your answer, then sadly, you may have missed out an opportunity to bond with her. I suggest you take the perspective that it's a superb opportunity to bond with her 'cause this may be the few chances of you having physical contacts with your kid at this age. Secondly, while blowing her hair, have informal chat with her. Come to think of it, when did you last sit down and chat with your kid ?

As they grow older, chances are such opportunities would come more rarely. So seize them while you can.

`I am a typical father.
`working my life away
`looking towards retirement

`MY FAMILY

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